Gynger Fyer~The Romance Arsonist

CALLING ALL THE LADIES!!
Tune in tonight as I co-host The Love Jones Experience with Goddyss Jones! 
Psychic Medium; Beckah Boyd will talk to us about "Awakening our Kundalini(Sexual Energy)"  That's need to know information! Especially if you've never done it before. All I ask is that you once unleashed, you use your Kundalini for good :)

The show starts tonight at 8:00pm EST! **YES, I know, I know... Scandal comes on at 8:00 tonight but, I that's what the DVR is for 

Goddyss Jones

We will teach you ladies some tricks for that special day. AND BEYOND.... 
 LOL. It's going to be hot!! I might even share some personal trixs...like how a cherry LifeSaver really can be a LIFE SAVER!  ;)

                            http://www.tenacityradio.com/listen

                                   

Grow A Deeper Connection Use Your Senses

Yes, this might seem cheesy, overdone and simple but, I promise,  if you read my last post and are looking for the next level, my post today would be a great step in the right directions. Remember, you are trying to woo your partner leading up to Valentines day but, you are also learning sustainable romantic ideas which you will be able to use for the rest of your romantic life. You see, romance is like any kind of habit; the more you use it, the better you become. Think of this as romantic weight lifting.

Today my advice deals with the senses Sight, Touch, Taste, Smell and Hearing.
I've often heard it said that men are
visual creatures, well, I am willing to submit to you that there is more to men, and for that matter, women. I think each person has a sense combination that's all there own. some people may be more visual and touch oriented or have a keener sense of smell and taste.  Here is the mystery you need to solve: Find out which sense(s) your partner is more prone to and cater to it.

Let's take a few simple things you can give your partner which involves the senses:

THE TEST: Take your partner into a department store or a place  he or she has never been. Ask them what they like about the place or listen to how they describe the area

• Do they comment on how well colors go together or how clean things were. Then they are probably relying more on the visual aspects of their senses.

Flowers if they are visual. 

• When you are out, does your partner touch items to feel the texture or comment on how soft or hard, cold or hot, something feels, do they enjoy holding hands or rubbing your back, then they probably rely on their sense of touch more.

If they like touch, break out some oil and give them a nice massage or give them little touches when they are around

• Does your partner have a refined pallet, does he or she, enjoy the taste of wine, beer, fruit juice or when you go out to eat, do they remark on the flavor of the foods? They probably us their sense of taste more. 

Cook them a wonderfully flavorful meal. Something they rarely have. or take them out to dinner

• Does your partner love your perfume or cologne  I know there are certain fragrances that get me aroused because it is so uniquely male! Does your mate enjoy the scent of flowers or scented candles ect? They probably rely on their sense of smell more.

If smell is their thing, make sure you smell good, or that your home smells good. You want them to associate you with a pleasant smell whatever that might be for them. 

• Finally, does your mate hate loud noises, do they shy away from noisy restaurants. Are they turned on by talking dirty or whispers in their ear? They are probably more auditory. 

Have music playing when they come home or come to your house. Talk to them closely 

I hope by learning even more about your partner, you are able to strengthen your connection with them. Yes, it takes practice and you have to be aware of your partners reaction to their surroundings, but once you know their strongest senses, you won't have any problems know what to do to please them.

It's time for some mind sex...

Dead Prez had a song many, many, moons ago called Mind Sex, It actually was and is one of my favorite songs to this day. Here are some of the lyrics....

It's time for some mind sex, we ain't got to take our clothes off yet 
We can burn the incense, and just chat 
Relax, I got the good vibrations 
Before we make love let's have a good conversation 

 The entire song was about this guy practicing intimacy with this young lady he was dating, instead of the usual, wham, bam, thank you ma'am. It sometimes seems as if sex is the primary focus of our relationships. It's as if we have lost the art and skill of actually relating to our partners or potential partner. Don't get me wrong, love making is a part of any healthy relationship. However, it should not be the primary focus of a long term, sustainable relationship. In my opinion, we should constantly be getting to know your partner. You might say, Gynger, I have been with this person for (fill in ridiculous amount of years); I know my mate. Okay, you knew them when you were in love and took the time to know them, but what about now?  Are you the same person you were five years ago? Do you have the exact same interests? Do you handle situations the same way you did two years ago... the answer for me is no.People change and as they change, we have to re-learn them or else we will constantly think of them based on how they used to be. That relearning is the foundation for Intimacy.

So, how can you bring back intimacy with your partner or how can you foster intimacy in your relationship?

Try doing things together(outside the bed room): I love cooking so making a meal with my mate would be a good time for me to chat him up. *Did you know men were more pron to chatting when their hands are busy? If they are involved in a task which requires action, that is the best time to talk to them. So go sit outside with him when he's fixing on the car and pass him the tools, while you're at it, have a conversation with him.



Talk face to face: There is nothing like seeing your partners face. We text and e-mail so much now, it's as if the art of talking in person is under attack. There is nothing like being in front of a person when you talk; for one thing, nothing is implied, you don't have to read into what they are saying. By hearing the words and emotions in their voice, you know if they are please, upset, contemplative or just exercising their dry wit.  Secondly, you can see their body language do they have an open poster or are they on the defense.  These kinds of cues are crucial to preventing misunderstandings. If your sweetie is far away, try using Skype or other chat features to see them in real time. Send your partner an intimacy quiz via e-mail and take it while you are chatting with each other or,  A really good one is http://www.elainemoorephd.com/quiz.html but there are tons online to choose from. Find one designed to get the information you and your partner need to go to the next level.

Tell them how wonderful they are: Do you love your partners eyes or his/her voice. TELL them that. How often do you compliment your significant other? When we start dating, we want them to know what we like about them, how special they are to use, that we appreciate them and are attracted to them. That's a part of intimacy! That shouldn't die the moment you say I DO or the moment you reach your first or third or tenth year in a relationship. People desire positive affirmations. It's make them feel good so why not give them that information. Strengthen your partner and you will strengthen your relationship. I never understand why people would want to tear down their own house. That's what people do when why complain about, disparage, or neglect their mate. I like to live in a well cared for house so I am going to build my mate up.

Go have some mind sex  with your partner...you just might be able to parlay that into some real sex :)

"Match ya panties with ya bras, get ya shit together"

                                  "Match ya panties with ya bras, get ya shit together"- T.I. 
 Yes T.I. said it and so will I, ladies AND gents, don't come half assed to the Valentines love fest. You are trying to entice and woo your partner and that means making a strong showing. No, granny panties! and toss that bra that used to look cute two years ago when it still had the under-wire in it. 

For the guys, unless you go commando, no drawers with holes in them. I don't care how comfy they fit. If you are a boxers kinda guy, try switching it up with some sexy boxer briefs. Why do you think women still lust after Mark Wahlberg, it was how smokin he looked in those boxer briefs! or try some cute boxers. A good foundation could mean the difference between a hot night of mind blowing sex or business as usual.

And guess what people, it doesn't have to cost a fortune. It just has to look good. One of the awesome things about Valentines is that they have a ton of cute themed lingerie to spice up any lukewarm romance. 

So I know what some of you are thinking? Gynger, why go to all of this trouble when it's just going to come off any way. I'll tell you why! Because NOBODY likes getting an amazing gift handed to them in a plastic Walmart bag.  Most people like to see the pretty box with the bow and the note card on it. They want to take the lid off of the box and peel back layers of delicate tissue paper to get inside. That is a gift a man or a woman wants to savor. 

The next question I get is, well that looks good on her or him because they are models. You don't have to look like a model to rock sexy under wear. Look at this classy piece I peeped at Lane Bryant over the weekend.

 

Go on out and get you a few new things to surprise your mate or, if you're single, get something sexy that you would never buy for yourself. Even if you are just wearing it beneath your normal clothes, your will know it's there and I bet you will walk with a little more pep in your step. For the couples, if you still "love the one you're with," dress it up. Not only will you feel sexier, but your partner will LOVE the effort you put into your appearance. After all, romance is mental just as much as it is physical and it's all about the show!

So you wanna be startin sumtin! Pre-Valentines Tip #1

Did you know there was power in touch? Well, there it. So much so that touching yourself (*wink) or others has been known to heal, relax, reduce stress and give you and your partner a sense of well being.
There fore, my fist Pre-Valentines tip of the day is TOUCH!!

For couples, I suggest you start off with small gestures, especially if you or your partner are not used to touching each other intimately. When they walk by rub their arm or if they are standing still, give them a hug and a rub, on the back that is. A little touch here and there will get YOU everywhere!!!! for those of you who are used to touching. give your partner a foot rub but here's the thing. Be conscious about it. Ask them if you can give them a foot rub or how about a back rub or massage. Your partner will be putty in your hands after all is said and done.

Now for the sexy singles out there, when was the last time you took a bath LOL! Did you know touching yourself is as important as receiving touch. Try taking a bath instead of a shower and really focus on how your skin feels beneath your hands, connect with it. When you get out, massage some baby oil or lotion into your skin; don't just slap it on trying to get it done! make love to your skin, and don't look for perfection, or point out flaws. I did this and noticed tiny birth marks in places I had totally forgotten about. Those marks are unique and make me who I am. I loved seeing them and connecting with my skin again. Also, give yourself a scalp massage, really focus on your hair and skin. If you have the resources, go to a spa and have someone else touch you :) don't get arrested at a truck stop LOL! Groupon and Living Social have discounts on massages all the time so use them.

Want to know more about touch and how to do it the right way, check out this link. There are some great ideas and suggestions.

http://www.examiner.com/article/the-power-of-touch-and-its-benefits-on-your-sex-life

Alright already, less talking, more touching,

~Fyerfly
The Romance Arsonist

Love and Romance

As the big "V" day approaches, and the "V" stands for Valentines day, I can't help but become excited. I know what you're thinking; Gynger, we still have MLK day, The swearing in of President Obama, Mardi Gras, and the Super bowl to get through. How can you skip all of that and go right to Valentines day?

What can I say, the heart wants what the heart wants LOL! and mine wants Love, Intimacy and ROMANCE! not just for couples, but for EVERYONE.  You see, I am single(trying to remedy that situation) but that doesn't exclude me from participating in Valentines day. Perception is everything. You can and should fall in love with yourself and/or your significant other everyday! So, what would that look like. lets see....


How can you put some fyer and romance into your love life???

Over the next few weeks, I am going to post some romantic suggestions for singles and couples on this blog. *Also, join me February 7th in a live chat about Love and Romance as I co-host The Love Jones Experience with Goddess Jones on Tenacity online radio!!!!

Blessing you with Love and Romance!

Gynger Fyer~ XOXOX
The Romance Arsonist!!

Falling in love

I woke up this morning thinking about falling in love. Wondering, why does it have to be a fall? Why does it have to be laid out like a hole in the ground that we don't see until we are in it. Does that make it more passionate; more authentic than meeting someone you have similar interest with and slowly building that foundation of sustainable love. Sure, saying " I built love with him" is not romantic in the least or " I came to love him," does seem lackluster, as if going out and buying a good pair of sturdy shoes. LOL!

As the self titled Romance Arsonist, I want romance and falling in love to evoke feelings of a dynamic passion; that burns and smolders and remains red hot but, as a writer, I want my characters to have a foundation that will last; not built on instant attraction, which can be fleeting.

So, my question to myself was, how can I get the heat that I want, with the common sense that I want to see in the characters I read about. Mary Balogh is great at this and has always been one of my favorite authors to read, granted she writes full length historical romance novels and I am writing romantic and erotic novellas at the moment.Writing longer stories could be one way to get what I want, however, there is a challenge in writing a novella that does the same thing. I want my readers to come away from my novellas feeling as if they had just read a hundred or more pages about my characters and believe in the love I have created, even though it's only forty five pages long. That's the trick, that's the balancing act.

Falling in love should be fast, when we fall, gravity pulls at us and we experience a rapid descent, right?  Think about the last time you fell, did you have control? No, I doubt it. Were you left a bit shaken? Probably. I bet your heart was pumping a mile a minute, even thought the fall took mere seconds it probably seemed like a life time. That's what falling in love means to me, it's not that unexpected fall, it's the exhilaration as you descend into the hole, not knowing if you will be okay or if you will break something, namely your heart, at the end of your fall. Yes! that's what I will write about. The descent into love. Of course, I'll add a bit of Fyer along the way!

Are you ready for the fall?


~Gynger Fyer
The Romance Arsonist