KNOCK BEFORE ENTERING! parental privacy...how much access should your child have to your bedroom area

The beautiful, sexy piece or art above was done by my favorite Erotic Artist: Samarel http://www.samareleros.com/.
He has done a few portraits of me but, they are nothing compared to this piece. I told the artist I would love to buy this work, however, I have a kid. His response was along the lines of 'what is your kid doing in your bedroom?'

Hmmmm. That question intrigued me. I mean I thought all parents allowed their kids acess to their bedrooms. Granted, when it's " in use" the door is locked, but I still figured it was a common practice.
In an attempt to put things in context, I started thinking about my own upbringing. I distinctly remember my parents having a knock before you enter policy, and when they were not there, we were not supposed to go into their room. :-) I'm sure you can imagine how well that worked. Since they didn't have an outside lock on the door, we went in any way. We just made sure everything was as they left it when it was time for them to come home. LOL  I do remember one late evening, I was not able to sleep. I got up and went to their room and just walked in...That was the first and last time I saw my parents having SEX! (yes, I am scarred for life LOL). I didn't really understand why mom was on top of dad or why  mom immediately came into my room and spanked me for not knocking like they'd told me, but the lesson was learned.

KNOCK BEFORE ENTERING!!!

As I got older, I understood, what went on between men and women. I understood why knocking was important, and now, I fully understand how complicated being a parent can be. Parents have to toe the line between being a parent with an open door policy, and still having your own personal space. In a sense, you are closing that door.  The lines can easily get crossed. Give a kid too much access and before you know it, your four year old is bringing out your vibrator in front of your family and friends because she was taught that we share our "TOYS"!!! LOL That actually happened to me. I am still mortified. Kids seem to gravitate to things they shouldn't be in.
So what is appropriate? What is the right approach? When you have younger kids, it might not be a big deal to have erotic art in you bedroom.
Pictures which show a couple in a intimate embrace means very little to someone so young. However, as they get older, I think boundaries need to change and it should be consciously acknowledge and implemented  Which is easier said then done.


As a single parent there are challenges in changing those boundaries because your child or children are all that you have, and vice versa. The reliance on each other tends to blur the lines even more. I would love to close off my bedroom so I can display art like this one.

I think this picture is very sexy and tasteful, a man and woman in a sensual yet erotic embrace, with no jiggly bits showing, doesn't seem distasteful, yet I still would hesitate to hang it over my bed with my 10 year old daughter walking in and out of my room. 

My daughter and I have a close bond. There are many reasons why she might come and go in and out of my room. If I am going out, she might come into my room and help pick out my outfit, or if I'm not feeling well, she might come in and check on me. I have built and nurtured a strong, solid, mother daughter relationship which I am proud of and, up til now has included open access to my bedroom. 

Despite the fact that I write erotica, she has NEVER read anything I've written and I try to expose her to adult subject matter in small doses. My love of erotic art might open up a conversation I'm not sure either of us would like to have at the moment. 

Yet, I do feel the time is right for us to reset boundaries and expectations. So, what should that look like? A simple conversation might work in my case. I want to let her know why I feel it's time to limit access to my room yet reinforce that it does not mean I love her less or am cutting her off. I just think we need to redefine the boundaries in our relationship.

I honestly would think twice about being so free with my space if I had it to do all over again. Steven Covey has a motto "Begin with the end in mind." He is basically saying; before you start any long term endeavor,  you must know what you want the outcome to be so you can start out smartly and if adjustments need to be made, your objective will always guide your actions. 

So, what do you have to say about this parental privacy

I would love to hear your thoughts on the matter. Have you wrestled with this same type of situation. What creative idea have you come up with which allows your child(ren) to have access to you, yet still gives you personal/private space.  Or do you have different ideas about personal space boundaries  I want to hear about it. I don't claim to be an expert in this area and I would love to hear various views. I know people from all over the world read my blog, I would love to hear how other cultures, handle this issue.

(**NOTE All of the art in this blog was made by Samarel. If you are interested in seeing more or purchasing these or others like them, you can find him at: www.salareleros.com also check him out on Facebook @ https://www.facebook.com/samarel.art )

In all my LUSCIOUS-ness

Check me out in all my LUSCIOUS-NESS on Luscious Literaries.  Want to know about the Fyer! I bared my....soul :-)


http://lusciousliteraries.wordpress.com/2013/03/26/luscious-is-on-fyer-gynger-is-in-the-house/#respond

Love...It's all a GAME...Of Thrones

I am a woman in love...in love with being in love. Perhaps that's why I write about it. Now it could be argued that romance and erotica are not really love. I will admit; by themselves, they are just components of a bigger picture. Like facets, romance is one cut of the whole gem which is LOVE. 

I've been loved, I've loved and I have been in love so I know each of these emotions have their own unique look, feel, taste, smell, and sound. Yes, you can experience love through your senses and gather joy and pleasure from it. That's the beauty of love, it cannot be defined.  It refused to be painted with one single brush in one single color. I did a little research and found that there are actually six different types of love.

                      This chart illustrates the 6 types of love. 

When I found this chart I knew I wanted to blog about it. As most of you know, I love pictures and showing how things relate to each other. Since I am a fan of The Game of Thrones, I thought, what better example is there then that one show. There are lots of different relationships I thought I would highlight a few here for comparison. 

                  

1. Liking: This is the feeling you have for a friend or family member with whom you feel free to share your personal thoughts, desires and secerets. You can discuss anything with them and vice versa. You truly know and understand that person with out judgement. It is called Agape love in Greek. 

The Stark family embodied Agape love

2. Infatuation: This is a superficial feeling because it is based on emotion. It is more aggressive and causes us to do things we ordinarily wouldn't do. It can be a selfish, jealous and/or reckless love. If left unchecked, this feeling can turn to violence or other extreme behavior like stalking. It's called Mania love in Greek.

Cersei and her brother share this Mana kind of love in my opinion

3. Empty Love: I think of this as a business arrangement kind of feeling. It is a commitment based on what's in the best interest of both parties. This is called Pragma love in Greek. The root word for Pragmatic which means to think strategically about something. It's the type that Joffrey and Sansa would have had if he hadn't kicked her to the curb.

Sansa and Joffrey

(For you fans of the TV series SCANDAL, this is what Fitz and his wife Millie have)LOL 

Fitz and his wife Millie have an Empty Love

  

Now that we have explored the three major components of love, lets combine them. The results are more of what we encounter in our own complex relationships. 

King Robb and Talisa married for love

4. Romantic Love(when 1 + 2 actually = 4 LOL): It's a combination of Intimacy and Passion. Who doesn't like this kind of love. The King of the North: Robb Stark married Talisa after falling in Romantic Love with her. Sure, things might get messy, after all he's betrothed, but hey! it called Romantic Love because it Romantic not pragmatic! 

Tyrion and HIS Shae

This type of love is called Eros love in Greek.

Tyrion and his lover Shae also have this Romantic Love, full of intimacy and passion, yet it's not pragmatic. It's not based on conditions. I would say it a near perfect balance of intimacy and passion. Perhaps that's why I love this couple the most. There doesn't appear to be an agenda. *(as a Game of Thrones fan, I won't say there is no agenda; one can never tell!)

5. Companionate ( 1 + 3): A combination of Intimacy and Commitment. Before Renly was killed off by his brother,  he shared a Companionate love with his wife Margaery. She knew his secret...that Renly was sleeping with her brother and Margaery wanted to be queen. It would have worked perfectly except he died. This type of love is called  Storge in Greek.

Renly and Margaery 

For a kinder less ruthless example: If you have ever seen the movie "The Mirror Has Two Faces", Companionate is the love Rose and Gregory started out wanting. It was based on intimacy, more companionship. Eventually Rose wanted the passion as well, and who could blame her!

Gregory and Rose one of my favorite couples

6. Fatuous Love(2 + 3): A combination of Passion and Commitment. This is what people who like to play around feel. It also called Ludus. It lacks true intimacy.  It thrives on being hot and wild yet, it's still pragmatic, based on what can be gained from the union. Money, power, pleasure, prestige...WHAT"S ROMANTIC LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT. Cersei embodies this type of love. Now that Joffrey and Margaery are together. There might be a new sheriff in town. Margaery reminds me so much of Cersei. It guess it's true. Men look for women who are like their mothers. 

Cersei will do what she has to do

Margaery and Joffrey

Consummate Love: When you have all three pillars of love combined: Intimacy, Passion and Commitmment. That's the Strongest form of love and that what Kahal Drogo and Daenerys Targaryen had. It was complete. I really wished it would have lasted, and in some respects it did. Daenerys still loves Kahal even thought he died. 

Intimacy

Passion

Commitment

Can impotence be sexy???

I thought it could, so I wrote Chocolate Surprise! I can honestly say it's one of my favorites. It deals with a couple you anyone could relate to, who's going through a situation any couple could face. IMPOTENCE!!! I was honored when Romancing The Book reviewed my story so I wanted to share it with you. It's not too late to get your copy!!

http://romancing-the-book.com/2013/02/review-chocolate-surprise-by-gynger-fyre.html

How Much Would You Pay To PLAY ???

How much should pleasure cost? $10, $30, $75, $125... That's the question I had when I saw the ad below.

Buy Now - http://bit.ly/Aga5k

I honestly didn't think too much about the price. I have a  toy, as most American women do, and I didn't pay over $40 bucks for it. I love my toy, it gives me what I want, quick pleasure with that boneless after effect that usually puts me right to sleep. Next to diamonds, it's a single woman's best friend. 

As you can imagine, being voted the "best new sex toy of 2013" by Cosmo magazine yet looking like a warped bowling ball pin had me curious. So I hit the "buy now" link fully prepared to test it out; that's when I had to do some serious self refection. This odd looking, yet attractively colored toy costs a whopping $125!!!!  Now, that might seem insignificant for some of you but, as for me and my house, that was a bit steep. It made me wonder, how much should pleasure cost? How much was I willing to pay?  

Over the years I have purchased many such toys.My first one was cheap and tiny. I remember I was in college and was trying to be discreet. I had to drive past the adult novelty shop named Starship every Monday,Wednesday, and Friday after my classes let out. I wondered what went on behind those tinted windows. Would it be seedy? Would  it smell like sex? Would people look at me if I went inside? I finally got pissed at being such a coward, after all I was 19!!! a grown woman LOL! So, one day when I was feeling particularly feisty  I decided I was going in. I pulled into the tiny parking lot with determination. I hoped out of my Toyota Corolla,  marched up to that tinted glass door with a bravado I didn't feel yet must have exhibited because, after quickly entering the store, I only received a perfunctory "Welcome to Starship" from the guy behind the counter, who went back to his comic book and left me in relative peace.

 I was surprised at how well lit the store was and NEAT.  I quickly went to the wall of toys and stayed there for a good twenty minutes looking at vibrators. There were bullets, rabbits and pearls. Some were soft and flexible, others were hard and ridged. There were toys that resembled penis' and other were just long, thick and shaped liked cigars. They came in various textures, colors and speeds. The choices were endless. After much deliberation, I chose a tiny palm sized one for about $10(hey, I was in college and on a budget) and that started my years of toy filled pleasure. 

I've come a long way from that $10 special. My last one cost me about $40, which I thought was way too much, but since buying it, I have felt that it was worth every penny. It's nearly silent no matter what speed I use. It also has a push button so, no moving dials which I like. So, when I saw the one above, I had to ask myself, could I bite the bullet and fork over $125 for  "THE BEST NEW SEX TOY OF 2013." My answer...HELL NO!! I realized the ad said best NEW sex toy not the BEST SEX TOY LOL. There is a difference. The goal is the same, to have an orgasm that will rock your world. Some toys are quicker at that then others, but once you come, really, hasn't the mission been accomplished? 

Maybe I'm wrong, tell me, what do you think??

** As I was finishing this blog, I stumble upon what might be "THE BEST SEX TOY EVER INVENTED" !!! and guess what? It's only $65!!! 

http://gizmodo.com/5976214/hello-touch-may-be-the-best-sex-toy-ever-invented

Hmmmm... SOLD!!! And now I know how much I would pay for pleasure :)

A Place To Lay My Head

I don't know if you know this or not, but although I have always loved writing, it has also been a source of fear for me. Writing requires that you sell a product and sometimes people wont like it. Well, I don't know about you but I don't like to be told my baby is ugly!  So I procrastinated for years before I decided to get published. As you know, my fears were unfounded. The sky did not fall, and only a few people have called my babies ugly LOL. I take it all in stride and keep it moving. 

My next goal was to create my PRESENCE. It's helpful to have one when you're a writer LOL. To that end,   you will regularly see me on social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, and right here on my blog. My ultimate goal has been to have my own home; my own place to lay my head. I wanted a place to represent Gynger Fyer; some place warm and inviting where readers and potential readers could go to find out about me, buy my work and just chill and have fun. 

Well folks, I have that now. I would like to welcome you to my new home on the web, paid for with the proceeds from my writing a then some. It's modest :) but I hope you like it.  You will see my love of historical fiction and Jane Austen mixes well with the Interracial genera in which I write. It's all pulled together in one warm, cozy website that hopefully makes you want to strip down and get naked in front of a warm fyer :) 

Feel free to tell me what you think. Even if you think my new baby is ugly LOL.

http://www.gyngerfyer.com/