Sunday, March 31, 2013

KNOCK BEFORE ENTERING! parental much access should your child have to your bedroom area

The beautiful, sexy piece or art above was done by my favorite Erotic Artist: Samarel
He has done a few portraits of me but, they are nothing compared to this piece. I told the artist I would love to buy this work, however, I have a kid. His response was along the lines of 'what is your kid doing in your bedroom?'

Hmmmm. That question intrigued me. I mean I thought all parents allowed their kids acess to their bedrooms. Granted, when it's " in use" the door is locked, but I still figured it was a common practice.
In an attempt to put things in context, I started thinking about my own upbringing. I distinctly remember my parents having a knock before you enter policy, and when they were not there, we were not supposed to go into their room. :-) I'm sure you can imagine how well that worked. Since they didn't have an outside lock on the door, we went in any way. We just made sure everything was as they left it when it was time for them to come home. LOL  I do remember one late evening, I was not able to sleep. I got up and went to their room and just walked in...That was the first and last time I saw my parents having SEX! (yes, I am scarred for life LOL). I didn't really understand why mom was on top of dad or why  mom immediately came into my room and spanked me for not knocking like they'd told me, but the lesson was learned.
As I got older, I understood, what went on between men and women. I understood why knocking was important, and now, I fully understand how complicated being a parent can be. Parents have to toe the line between being a parent with an open door policy, and still having your own personal space. In a sense, you are closing that door.  The lines can easily get crossed. Give a kid too much access and before you know it, your four year old is bringing out your vibrator in front of your family and friends because she was taught that we share our "TOYS"!!! LOL That actually happened to me. I am still mortified. Kids seem to gravitate to things they shouldn't be in.
So what is appropriate? What is the right approach? When you have younger kids, it might not be a big deal to have erotic art in you bedroom.
Pictures which show a couple in a intimate embrace means very little to someone so young. However, as they get older, I think boundaries need to change and it should be consciously acknowledge and implemented  Which is easier said then done.

As a single parent there are challenges in changing those boundaries because your child or children are all that you have, and vice versa. The reliance on each other tends to blur the lines even more. I would love to close off my bedroom so I can display art like this one.

I think this picture is very sexy and tasteful, a man and woman in a sensual yet erotic embrace, with no jiggly bits showing, doesn't seem distasteful, yet I still would hesitate to hang it over my bed with my 10 year old daughter walking in and out of my room. 

My daughter and I have a close bond. There are many reasons why she might come and go in and out of my room. If I am going out, she might come into my room and help pick out my outfit, or if I'm not feeling well, she might come in and check on me. I have built and nurtured a strong, solid, mother daughter relationship which I am proud of and, up til now has included open access to my bedroom. 
Despite the fact that I write erotica, she has NEVER read anything I've written and I try to expose her to adult subject matter in small doses. My love of erotic art might open up a conversation I'm not sure either of us would like to have at the moment. 

Yet, I do feel the time is right for us to reset boundaries and expectations. So, what should that look like? A simple conversation might work in my case. I want to let her know why I feel it's time to limit access to my room yet reinforce that it does not mean I love her less or am cutting her off. I just think we need to redefine the boundaries in our relationship.
I honestly would think twice about being so free with my space if I had it to do all over again. Steven Covey has a motto "Begin with the end in mind." He is basically saying; before you start any long term endeavor,  you must know what you want the outcome to be so you can start out smartly and if adjustments need to be made, your objective will always guide your actions. 
So, what do you have to say about this parental privacy

I would love to hear your thoughts on the matter. Have you wrestled with this same type of situation. What creative idea have you come up with which allows your child(ren) to have access to you, yet still gives you personal/private space.  Or do you have different ideas about personal space boundaries  I want to hear about it. I don't claim to be an expert in this area and I would love to hear various views. I know people from all over the world read my blog, I would love to hear how other cultures, handle this issue.

(**NOTE All of the art in this blog was made by Samarel. If you are interested in seeing more or purchasing these or others like them, you can find him at: also check him out on Facebook @ )


  1. First of all, love these pictures! This is an interesting post. I have four kids, and they wander in and out of my personal space like it's nothing. Unless the door is locked, they go where they wish. Now, I wish I would have set more boundaries. I'm getting old and cranky and need some privacy, not just 'couple time' but 'me time' where I can have some quiet.

    1. I agree Tricia, I think we shoot ourselves in the foot when we don't define our personal spaces. Kids will live with us for a while but then they need to go find their own space and get out of ours. We are more than moms and dads, we are humans, individuls, not servents to our families needs. I realized that I need a space that is just as private, and relaxing , where I can walk around butt naked if I so choose, without the door swinging open. I need that as much as I desire being the mom. And here's the thing, I want my children to have that when they become parents. It's a behavior shift.

    2. Hi.
      This your favorite erotic artist writing (:
      And I have to tell you - I have two kids. They grew up to be confident humans and (almost) free of boundaries. My art was not spread up on EVERY wall in my house, but it was there. They saw it and whenever a question was needed an answer - I was there to answer...
      So, what should you do?
      You should be free in your home to enjoy any erotic art you want and you should free your mind to talk with your kid about it - it;s about YOUR needs.

      Samarel - erotic artist

    3. Thank you Samarel for reading my blog and offering your view. If parenting came with instructions, we would all be experts lol. I like hearing how other people approach these life situations. I like your approach and I LOVE your work!