Saturday, January 25, 2014

Interracial dating: Why I do it and why I write about it.

For those of you who don't know, I write INTERRACIAL romance novels. At the moment it's what I write exclusively. I'm not saying that's how it'll always be but , for now, it's my own little version of social activism. 

Yes, I said it, activism! No, I'm not in the streets marching through all black neighborhoods asking women to date outside their race. That's not really my style. However, I've found a way to support a cause that's near and dear to me; making sure women find love, happiness and security whereever and how ever they can.

I'll be the first to admit, I wasn't checking for the "other brothas." However, going from an all black middle school in Atlanta, to a predominantly white high school in the suburbs gave me a chance to see a different world. Not a better world, just a different world. And it stuck.

Fast forward a few decades and there I was, Miss Independent: good job, intelligent, owned my own home, had my own car, paying my own bills and waiting for "the one." In my mind he looked like Morris Chestnut all rich, chocolaty brown. After being single or in stagnate relationships for years, I was burned out. CALGON, TAKE ME AWAY. I wasn't the only one. I looked down the line of my girl friends who were shoulder to shoulder with me in the dating and relationship struggle, and they were in the same boat I was. Some had more education, some had better looks, some were farther up the corporate ladder, and some were more socially active. Yet, at the end of the night, we all took our showers, brushed our teeth, put on our night clothes, and climbed into bed...ALONE!  I realized NONE of us were in happy, healthy, productive, relationships.

I was raking my brain trying to understand it. Almost daily I'd ordered self help books off  of Amazon. trying to understand what I should have been doing, but wasn't. Nothing was helping, and eventually I realized nothing would. I remember going to church and the sermon was about thinking small; how God want's us to think past our understanding, to enlarge our minds. That's when the pieces started to fall into place. I don't know how, but I was trolling on Amazon and it suggested a book by Aliyah Burke. If you don't know her, read the Megalodan series and you'll be a fan for life. Her books were the first ones I'd read which featured a black female heroine and non-black hero. I honestly didn't even know such a thing existed in books. Amazon may have it's faults but, I love their suggestion feature because it turned me on to a whole host of writers who wrote stories with that same theme. As I read, my thinking began to unfurl, like the lush, green leaves of a fern. It was powerful and empowering.

I started being open to dating outside my race. I dated a few white guys, and guess what? The sky didn't fall, I wasn't branded with a scarlet letter and I still loved my dad and myself. What did happen was, I gained some good friends who introduced me to cultures I hadn't even thought about. I learned how to sit back and allow someone to do something for me instead of always taking the lead.  And yes, I discovered the absolute joy of oral sex when it's done by someone who enjoys the hell out of it! (crosses eyes LOL)
*I'm sure there are plenty of black men who enjoy giving oral for a straight hour...I just haven't met them yet.

When I started writing romance stories, I knew I wanted to accomplish two things. 1. Give people a good read where they could fall in love with my characters. 2. Promote interracial relationships so black women would realize they didn't have to fish in the same small pond where all the rest of the black women were fishing. They could in fact, pack up their rods and pricey lure and use some of that money  to buy their own boat. They could then afford to go fishing in a LAKE where there's a bit more variety and a better chance of finding their mate. Hell, how about chartering a yacht and cast out into the ocean where the really big and colorful fish are. Because lets face it, in the U.S. black women significantly outnumber black men. that's BEFORE you even start dividing them up into categories which would preclude them from dating/marrying a black female, such as being incarcerated, homosexual etc. So, it's mathematically impossible for every black woman who what's to get married in the U.S. to meet and marry a black man. PERIOD. I'm no gambler but I know when the odds are in the houses favor.

Chocolate Surprise
So, no I don't hate black men, I don't hate myself, I love black families and root for black love but, I'm wise enough to know that if a black woman wants that nice home, with a picket fence, 2.5 kids and a dog, she'll need to start screening her relationship applicants based on their interests instead of their race. If the books I write help women to see the possibilities, or even just get more comfortable with being approached by men of all races and cultures thereby increasing giving them a better chance of being in a happy, healthy, productive relationship.Then I'll just have to keep up my interracial writing activism.

Red Light Special

The Bucket List (Dreams Come True)