Thursday, February 13, 2014

That Sunday kinda love...

Perhaps Etta had it right when she crooned… I want a Sunday kind of Love…A Love to last past, Saturday night…

I was thinking about love and relationships as I often do since I deal with them in my stories. As a romance writer, I'm always thinking about what motivates people. What draws them together, keeps them together and make them break up. 

My sister made  a post just the other day about her husband and how she loved him because of how he’d sacrificed his own personal comfort to help her when she was recently in a situation which was frustrating her. He could have laid in bed and slept until it was time to get up and go to work, but though the hour was early, and he would miss out on rest, he got up and helped her through the matter.  She was so appreciative of that one act. It made me think about real love. Not the passionate, all encompassing, bowl you over, grand gestures of love, but the every day considerations of love; where you work in tandem. They've been married for a number of years and I’m sure they've gotten settled into the day to day grind that marriage invariably becomes.  
You know the routine. You wake up and see that same person over and over again. The walls of pretense have fallen and you see each other with all of your faults and foibles; the things that make you human. 
Saturday night has long passed and it’s just the two of you, making your way through life. How easy it is to fall out of love; to cease going that extra mile for the person you married or are in a long term relationship with.  Where as you used to keep yourself up, you've now let yourself go. Where as you used to talk incessantly and couldn't wait to tell them about your day, now you don’t even bother to ask. And what about spending real time on your relationship, together. Some people don’t even look their mates in the eye anymore.

I have a request. This Valentine’s day, make a conscious effort to do something DIFFERENT. Something you haven’t done since you started dating. How about doing something they like to do, but you don’t. SACRIFICE your wants and needs just once, to show your mate that you still care for them and love them. It’s not always the words. Actions are even more important.  There are plenty of  people that will say they love you, and will flatter you all day long, but the second you need money for the light bill, they scatter like the wind, or the moment the lights get turned off because you shopped with the bill money and thought you would have it back before they got cut off, (Yes, I’m talking about you), then your partner wants to call it quits instead of saying, 'honey, you have a problem and we need to see what we can do to fix it.' 
Saturday loves can be fleeting. The second things get tough, instead of working through it, we toss a good mate to the side, seeking perfection where there’s none.

Resolve to get your relationship back on track. Yes, there’s a lot of water under that bridge, and you might need to get professional guidance to help you navigate the tricky currents and ripe tides of forgiveness. Trust me, if your mate is essentially a good person but you've had the usual relationship missteps, It’s worth doing. Especially if you want that Sunday kind of love.

Here are some personal suggestions from me
1.       Consciously do something with your mate which you've never done before. Or do something you used to enjoy doing together but haven’t done in years. AND Enjoy yourself.

2.       Get help if you need it.  Sometimes we need to stop trying to patch things up and call in a professional to help us see what’s wrong, and what the solution may be.

3.       Have an open and honest dialogue about how you feel about the state of your relationship, and get your ego out of it.  It’s not always about YOU.

4.       Determine together where you want your relationship to go. Plan together how you’ll get there. We have goals for everything else, but we don’t often make relationship goals.

5.       Find one thing that you two can consistently do together and stick with it! I had neighbors who walked around our community together every single day. Even in the snow and rain.  I really admired that. It's important to foster a sense of togetherness even if you don’t feel it right away.  How about planning and cooking a meal together one day a week.  Cook something different every time. I love going to the farmers market and getting fresh foods to cook with. *Hint, men really open up when their hands are busy so put him on chopping duty and just let the conversation go wherever it takes you. 
Just make sure you post this sign somewhere AND follow it>>>>>>>.  
You married a human NOT a drone. We all have different needs for different reasons. Some day’s we have to give them what they need at the expense of what we want.
I hope this helps and good luck with finding or fostering that Sunday kinda love.

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