Wednesday, June 19, 2013

The Business of Relationships~Why finding a mate should be like buying a home

I was speaking with a friend of mine whom I respect highly, who also provides me with wise counsel. We often have very deep and insightful conversations, which I love. Have you ever had that moment when you're speaking with a friend and they add one comment which blows you away? It just brings everything around you into focus? Well, that's what happened to me.

I often go on my rants about how inferior the quality of the goods in America have become. I personally feel companies and franchises have devised ways to give consumers the products they want, at the lowest price, by sacrificing quality. Don't get me wrong, I like my money to stretch further just like the next person. We all enjoy a bargain. I just feel that quality is becoming something fewer and fewer people appreciate.

Lets take clothes for instance. We pay lots of money for clothes, yet most garments are so poorly constructed, they barely last six months before they are ready for the trash heap.

And what about food??? Large corporations mass produce food to the point where it is really low quality and full of so many additives, you might as well be eating a card board box!

       Sure,we are paying less but as the adage goes, you get what you pay for. When the quality of a product is poor; we eventually end up have to replace it  more frequently. which means you are actually destroying value when you buy inferior, low cost goods. Even if it seems like a good "DEAL". Higher quality goods may cost more, but you usually keep them longer or they're healthier for you.
        So, here is where my friend blew me away. He said, "that can also be said for relationships." I was floored. I mean I never thought of it that way but it's true.

      We have become a country where our relationships are just as inferior as the clothing we buy from those low cost stores, or the food we eat a the big franchises. Our lives are a revolving doors and our bedrooms are like Samantha's on Sex In The City, high traffic areas.We wonder why "A good man or woman is hard to find."

I think there are a lot of good men and women out there, but we are so used to tossing out or throwing away things that don't live up to our idea of perfection. I stead of realizing that if we took our time and looked for the qualities we desire the most in a person, when we do find them, and they have flaws, we stay with them and work through it instead of surrendering because we know, at the heart of it all, we have someone who we are in it for the long haul with and they are worth staying with.
A quality mate will cost you more! More time, more energy, and for the guys, maybe even more money. I know how men like to talk about gold diggers but not every woman wants a man for his money.  However, EVERY woman wants to know that their mate can adequately support her and any children they might have.

Let's be real, you don't live in a house before you buy it. You either tell an expert what you're looking for and they find you homes which meet those qualifications, or you go out driving through different area's looking for what you want or you go on the internet looking for the home of your dreams until you find it.

Once you find it, you go to the house, do a walk through. You might visit it a few time to get a feel for it. You look at the neighborhood it's in, what's around it. How much traffic is in the area etc.  We all know that there will be a few things you might not like about the home, but once you find a good home, you choose to live with those imperfections because over all, the house is what you want. You do a walk through and yes if you're smart, you have it inspected once or twice to see if there are any hidden things which might be a bigger issue down the road and cause you to reconsider the purchase, or it could be something you know is there but it's not major enough for you call off the deal.
     After you go through all of that and you decide you're serious about owning this home, you need to make an offer and be ready to move fast because trust and believe, as long as the home is on the market, you are not the only one looking  interested in owning it. You have to fill out a mountain of paperwork and go through the formalities where by you have to show that you have a certain amount of cash in the bank, or investments. You have to show that you have been steadily employed and, that the likely hood of you continuing to be employed is good. You have to put at least 20% of the value of the home down UP FRONT!!! and you have to have references.

A home is a major purchase, you don't decided on one haphazardly. The reason why you go through the process I mentioned above is because you will dwell in that home, you will build a family in that home, and make memories in that home.
The same can be said of your mate! You might have to jump through hoops for your mate, but remember, you will love this person and she will love you, she will have and/or raise your children and you will make memories with her until the day you die and if you keep up with the maintenance of your mate, just like your home, she will endure and SHE WILL BE WORTH IT!!!