Monday, February 4, 2013

It's time for some mind sex...

Dead Prez had a song many, many, moons ago called Mind Sex, It actually was and is one of my favorite songs to this day. Here are some of the lyrics....

It's time for some mind sex, we ain't got to take our clothes off yet 
We can burn the incense, and just chat 
Relax, I got the good vibrations 
Before we make love let's have a good conversation 

 The entire song was about this guy practicing intimacy with this young lady he was dating, instead of the usual, wham, bam, thank you ma'am. It sometimes seems as if sex is the primary focus of our relationships. It's as if we have lost the art and skill of actually relating to our partners or potential partner. Don't get me wrong, love making is a part of any healthy relationship. However, it should not be the primary focus of a long term, sustainable relationship. In my opinion, we should constantly be getting to know your partner. You might say, Gynger, I have been with this person for (fill in ridiculous amount of years); I know my mate. Okay, you knew them when you were in love and took the time to know them, but what about now?  Are you the same person you were five years ago? Do you have the exact same interests? Do you handle situations the same way you did two years ago... the answer for me is no.People change and as they change, we have to re-learn them or else we will constantly think of them based on how they used to be. That relearning is the foundation for Intimacy.

So, how can you bring back intimacy with your partner or how can you foster intimacy in your relationship?

Try doing things together(outside the bed room): I love cooking so making a meal with my mate would be a good time for me to chat him up. *Did you know men were more pron to chatting when their hands are busy? If they are involved in a task which requires action, that is the best time to talk to them. So go sit outside with him when he's fixing on the car and pass him the tools, while you're at it, have a conversation with him.



Talk face to face: There is nothing like seeing your partners face. We text and e-mail so much now, it's as if the art of talking in person is under attack. There is nothing like being in front of a person when you talk; for one thing, nothing is implied, you don't have to read into what they are saying. By hearing the words and emotions in their voice, you know if they are please, upset, contemplative or just exercising their dry wit.  Secondly, you can see their body language do they have an open poster or are they on the defense.  These kinds of cues are crucial to preventing misunderstandings. If your sweetie is far away, try using Skype or other chat features to see them in real time. Send your partner an intimacy quiz via e-mail and take it while you are chatting with each other or,  A really good one is http://www.elainemoorephd.com/quiz.html but there are tons online to choose from. Find one designed to get the information you and your partner need to go to the next level.

Tell them how wonderful they are: Do you love your partners eyes or his/her voice. TELL them that. How often do you compliment your significant other? When we start dating, we want them to know what we like about them, how special they are to use, that we appreciate them and are attracted to them. That's a part of intimacy! That shouldn't die the moment you say I DO or the moment you reach your first or third or tenth year in a relationship. People desire positive affirmations. It's make them feel good so why not give them that information. Strengthen your partner and you will strengthen your relationship. I never understand why people would want to tear down their own house. That's what people do when why complain about, disparage, or neglect their mate. I like to live in a well cared for house so I am going to build my mate up.

Go have some mind sex  with your partner...you just might be able to parlay that into some real sex :)